There are two things you can say to me, about me that will flip my switch. They are guaranteed fight starters. One of them was said to me this morning, at my second job, by a human who wasn’t getting what he wanted.

“You’re useless.”

This phrase is a favorite of my brain weasels. I struggle with feeling good enough all the time. 24/7.My personal Waffle House of beating myself up. So when someone else says it, especially a complete stranger? It’s time for violence, in my head. It’s like a red mist starts to descend.

But I’m older now, and know where letting that out get me. I haven’t done time, but it’s been close. So I considered the pathetic person that had said this. And it made me think about usefulness, and how we define it.

In a lot of people’s eyes, I am useless. I don’t make enough money. I dont do a job that is important. A strong argument could be made for me being on the B ship, for you Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy fans.

But that’s what society wants me to believe, that what I do for money is all that I am valuable for. In a capitalist, what I can provide by back or brain is all that matters. And it casts people aside, and makes them feel unworthy. And it makes them feel useless. And so , sometimes people like me disappear, and fall through society’s cracks. And it sometimes leads to desperation as men get older.

Men in my age bracket, sometimes they get desperate.They feel like , unless they’ve achieved certain things, they’re not important or relevant. And they get louder and meaner, all in an attempt to stay relevant. And it’s all so wrong. I think I know of a better path to walk.

I have a new friend, who by some standards, would appear to be not relevant or important. He lives in a camper in a friend’s backyard. He does construction for a living, pretty much the epitome of what would be considered a non contributing member of society,

But it’s so fucking wrong. He gives so much time to other people. He’s a clown for parades. he dives and cleans up lakes. he takes care of lots of people around him. He’s someone I have met only recently ,but he inspires me every day to be more positive, and to do better.

He is the textbook definition of what I would call a Sage. This is the male version of the Crone archetype in Pagan belief systems and iconography. He is the man who’s lived life, and has good stuff to learn, if you pay attention.

But normal society would condemn you listening to him, because he doesn’t look the part. Those people, you’d think they never heard about Odin traveling in disguise, hidden in his cloak, so you don’t see the power.

I think he, and I, need to become a variant of the Sage archetype. I want to be a Useless Sage. Cast out by society, but so very valuable to the people who look close enough. I think I have good ideas too, and I think people look past me, and don’t see my value. So I’m starting, finally, to see the value in me. So like some other communities, I want reclaim the word Useless for me. Wear it as a badge of honor. Maybe If I’m useless, It’s because I’m done being used by people. You can call me useless, but I’m not going to apologize for who I am anymore. I am the Useless Sage, hear me roar.

And yes, I’ve done bad things and made mistakes. I’m gong to do them again. It comes with the meat suit. But I’m continually attempting to not do them. That’s the difference. And if you can’t see the value in that, or the value in me valuing myself, then to hell with you. Maybe you should look at your own life, before judging others. Or look a little closer, and pay attention. Then we can leave the toxic capitalist masculinity garbage behind. All of us, together. Good night.