I don’t like to talk about the divorce I’m going through. I don’t discuss details, don’t go into particulars. One, because my kids read this, and it’s between me and her, and it would hurt them to hear some of my feelings about the matter. Two, it’s my life and I don’t want to. But a couple things happened and like it or not, my divorce relates to one of them.

First of all, had a really great beginning to the week. Riot Fest was amazing, but the thing I wanted to talk about was taking Aubry to see Twenty One Pilots Tuesday night. It was my birthday gift to her. It was important to her, because the latest record is the end of a storyline that’s been woven through most of their records.

What struck me, without going into too much detail, is how the story dealt with the cyclical nature of life. How life has ups and downs, peaks and valleys, round and round it goes. The wheel turns forever. While the music was great, and mostly uplifting, it was sad to see the story end. The band is at the end of their contract with their label, and who knows when, if ever, they’ll be back around.

The next couple days were rough. Things got bad between my ex and me again. A cycle I thought we’d gotten past erupted again. And much to my chagrin, I reacted with trauma responses, behavior I thought I’d gotten past. I felt I was backsliding, like I hadn’t learned anything.

But then I realized, life goes in cycles. Things are never going to go on the way you think they will. All you cna do is go through them. And all you cna do is try to do better with them than you did the last time. Sometimes you’ll succeed. Sometimes, you don’t. I definitely didn’t.

So what to do in that situation? First, recognize that it’s happening. That was easy for me. Second, don’t beat yourself up for it. Much harder for me to do. I’m an expert at beating myself up. Third, allow yourself some grace for not doing it the way you wanted to. Feel your feelings, and let them go through you. Lastly, see what you can do to make it go better next time. In my case, I made an appointment with my therapist.

Also, realize that you can’t control a lot of life. You can wish for things to be different, but it also helps to have gratitude for the things in your life that are positive. I could wail about my troubles, or I could be happy about the positive people like Jasmine, Ryan, Leesa and AJ who lift people around them up. I aim to be more grateful every day.

To wrap things up, life’s going to hit you hard. It does everyone. Can’t help that, it’s life. And you’ll sometimes slip up and react in a not so good way.But forgive your trespasses against yourself. Know better, do better as much as possible. The universe is perfect. Good night.