People of the world, we need to talk. We have a problem. It’s not Trump. He’s actually a symptom of the problem. It’s not the environment, but if we didn’t have to deal with this problem, we could probably fix that. We could even fix most of the world’s problems, including how much radio has sucked for the last twenty years. Nope this is a big problem, and no, it isn’t any minority causing the problem. It’s a problem because in terms of power, these people have become the majority. Folks, it’s time we talked about narcissists.

Now, hold your horses, Trevor, I can hear you say. Don’t you believe in shameless self promotion? Don’t you have a blog? Aren’t you preaching at my ass as I’m reading this? Yes, all of this is true. I have an ego. It’s either gigantic or tiny, depending on who you ask. It’s mid size. But having an ego doesn’t make you a narcissist. It’s when that ego gets out of control, and takes over from the other brain forces, like compassion and empathy, that you get narcissism.

And I don’t have the exact terms for what I’m describing, but I’ll tell you what it sounds like. It sounds like “You had it bad, let me tell you how bad I had it” “I know exactly hwo you feel, you fel like when this happened to me” “You”ll get through this, people have survived worse”.

It sounds good, until you think about it. It’s what I call the Godfather complex. In the Godfather, Don Corleone dishes out favors like candy on his daughter’s wedding day. Michael Corleon’s girlfriend Kay notices how nice his father is. I’m paraphrasing, but Michael says, don’t kid yourself. Those favors all come with strings. They’re like food packages left by explorers heading to the Norht Pole. He drops those favors, but someday, every one of those favors will be paid back.

That’s called transactional love. Narcissists live on it. The best ones hide it well. They look so nice, they’d give you the shirt off their back. But god help you if you cant help them when they come to call. Then the true face of the narcissist comes to the front. And the beautiful facade falls away.

Then comes the emotional manipulation. Guilt and Gaslighting, the worst version of D and D ever. No, I didn’t do that, you were mistaken. And how could you do this to me? And if you don’t respond, then comes the emotional abuse. Telling you how you were never really there for them. That you never did enough. That you were never really their friend/lover/whatever. And they’ll want to be thought of as the most important. They’ll want to out sacrifice and outwork, so long as you know they’re the ones doing it.

Now some of you might be reading this, and be going, wait, I’ve acted like this. People can gaslight and not know it. Perceptions a tricky thing, and denial is a fucking ocean in some people’s lives. And if you have concerns about this, talk to a professional. Don’t just use some online quiz. Though some of those are useful for checking out if you think you might have one in your life. The big difference is, if you’re a narcissist, your immediate response would be to shift blame, deny, and accuse, and claim no fault in the matter. To be as pure as a little lamb.

The big difference will be in how you feel about the behaviors that narcissists engage in. A narcissist won’t care when you point it out, and never feel bad. Or they’ll use it as an excuse to martyr themselves upon the cross they built for themselves.

I’ve had major narcissists in my life. No, I’m not accusing or naming names. I just think people need to listen and ask questions. To not take anything at face value. To quote Stu Feiler, my mentor in college, who stole it from an editor at the Chicago Tribune: “If your mother says she loves you, check it out.”

What else can you do? Be curious, not judgmental-Walt Whitman. Ask yourself why people aee saying what they’re saying, not just what they’re saying. There’s a lot of noise out there, and it buries the signal. And narcissists spew noise like fertilizer, because the noise hides them. They want you confused, down and out. And they want you alone and needing them. They don’t want a village, they want a church, And they’re the ones who need the worship. Good night.