“You should be alone, and work on yourself.” I hear it all the time. You need to be with yourself, and figure out your shit. I have yet to meet anyone who knows me who’s said that who doesn’t have an agenda: punishment.

I’ve been alone. It’s overrated. I was a single child, latchkey kid who had a hypochondriac mother and a workaholic narcissist father. I’ve been alone enough thank you. And being alone doesn’t help me on my quest.

I turn 56 in less than a week. I have a lot of acquaintances, but the number of friends and family, I can count on both hands and have fingers left over. So as I ‘m healing, I’m searching. And yeah, I want to get out and do it in person. I hid away from the world in my wounded state. But people tell me: you’re too raw, too wounded, stay home and heal.

No, I won’t. Being alone is whent he brain weasels, the RSD, and the insecurity all jump on me like the worst mental porno scene in the world. No lube or kisses to be found. But some people, this is what they want. And no, I’m not naming names. Not giving them the satisfaction.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this post. Let’s just say I’m hurting today, the brain weasels are massing, and I’m going to go to Walmart in an effort to get out and about. Again, one of these days someone will name where I get a blog title from. I might die of the shock. Good night.