Tonight’s post is kind of disjointed and weird, much like me. I’ve had an interesting couple of days, and I’m going to use this blog to sort some of it out on the page. If you don’t like therapy, probably won’t like this post. That’s ok. Not all of them can go to college.

Last night, I made dinner for my partner, Jasmine and her boyfriend, Ryan. That’s how I refer to them, among other terms, This is only my second time meeting him, he lives five hours away. But it was a nice evening, he’s a good guy. Any comments about poly ships and such, keep to yourselves. Our business, not yours. And it’s not really about the evening, but what happened after. Get your minds out of the gutter, you people. Oh wait, you read me. Get your minds out of the sewer.

Ryan and I talked on chat later that night. He had some real insight into the divorce I’m currently going through. He also had some insight on how to get back from, and recover from the situation, It was simple: make better choices.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But what do you do when you don’t trust your choices? When you’ve had it ingrained that you choosing is always going to be a failure. That’s what narcissists teach you: you always choose wrong, so I’ll choose. Even when you think you win, you lose. So you don’t choose. Because what’s the point in playing a game you’re never going to win?

I was pondering the notion of better choices throughout the day today, in the quiet moments. I spent it with my daughter Aubry. We went to see the new Fantastic Four, which is fucking awesome. That could be an entire post itself, but it won’t be. Because this post isn’t about the movie, it’s about a commercial before the movie.

What’s so important about the commercial? It was using “Only You” by Yaz. It being in the commercial didn’t bother me. Musicians have to eat. and Spotify needs to die. It’s the way they used it. They used it to soundtrack a meet cute. If you’ve ever heard the song, that is so not the use of that song.

Sitting there with Aubry, it took me back to the last time music use in a trailer annoyed me this much. Oddly, it connected to Aubry. It was when a crap movie, the Breakup, used the song Ball and Chain by Social Distortion in their commercials and trailers. Whoever had chosen this had looked at the song title, thought it sounded like the term old ball and chain, and chucked it into the trailer.

It was so thoughtless and dumb, That song is one of despair and wanting out of life, ending it all. Oddly enough, it had a deeper meaning for me, because when I held Aubry in my arms the first time, it was the first song I sang to her.

Now, you can say that singing a song about ending it all at that time was sick. Certainly most people who’ve heard it and the story think so. I’ve chosen to interpret it as I knew my life as just a guy was over. At that point, I was a father, and everything changed.

So maybe that’s the moral to this story. When you screw up, find a better way to think about your choices. Maybe figure out a way to wrap that mistake in a shiny new coat of paint, just so you can keep moving. I’ve suffered from feeling like losing all the time, and I need a new mindset, a new vision if I’m going to make better choices. Because that’s the goal, isn’t it? Make better choices. Good night.