I’m a romantic by nature. But it took me decades to recognize something that science has tried to deny for decades, and now admits defeat in trying to understanding it. Some call it witchcraft, some call it a gift, some call it psychic power. Science sometimes calls it spooky action at a distance. It can all be lumped under one term :intuition.

I wasn’t a believer at first. I was raised by narcissists who mocked horoscopes and yet went to church. Who wouldn’t allow Ouija boards in the house, and ridiculed a local business man who believed in pyramid power so much he built a replica of Giza in his backyard. (Go look up Gurnee pyramid house. I’ve been there,)

My friend Jacqueline was the first person who read my cards. And she was scarily accurate. She warned me about my father’s actions, my subsequent crashing and burning, and what did I do? I ignored it. But looking back, I saw what she had seen. So the door cracked open a little.

What kicked it in was going to school and discovering that people like Jung and authors like Robert Anton Wilson believed in things like synchronicity and psychic phenomena. RAW is also where my lifelong obsession with the number 23 came in. So there was some science to it. So I went out and bought a tarot card deck. And played with it a little, but it mostly sat there. I didn’t feel right about it.

Then came the moment that caved my head in, as far as spirituality. Dead Can Dance at the Vic in Chicago in 1993. I could write an entire post on that night, and maybe someday I will. Or maybe I wont. Maybe describing it will make it less so. All I know is that I was different after that show.

My friend Miles(Hi Miles! Hi Snooze!) introduced me to the term UPG. It stands for Unverifiable Personal Gnosis.. It means I had an encounter with something not of this realm, and I know it. And I can’t prove it to you. But I know what I know. And you can believe me or not, it doesn’t matter.

After that, things got even weirder. I moved to Minneapolis, where you could feel the energy in the streets. And even when I moved to less energetic places, I attracted things, people and energies that made it all seem like things were flowing and shifting and alive. MY family has called me a weirdness magnet, and they’re not wrong. If you ever meet me in person, ask me about the elephant in Chicago.

But over time, something changed. The magic dimmed. I don’t think I brought the energy from North Carolina back to Wisconsin with me. I let the light dim, and formed a sort of shell around myself. I was lost.

Then, out fo nowhere, life found me again. My running joke for decades was that the Tower card was my card in the deck. That I couldn’t have change without total carnage being made out of my life. And life tried to prove it, by me doing things that destroyed most of my life.

So the castle I’d built fell, the sand it was built on finally giving way. And I thought about throwing in the towel. SO I went and got a deck, and pulled cards. I cant remember the exact cards, but I pulled three three card layouts. What was in each one? The Star, the card for hope. SO I began to believe. And then more things happened, and I trusted my guts, and things got better. Not great, not even good some days, but better.

As a result, I got deeper into my spirituality and trusting the universe. But I don’t just cast spells and pray. Fuck that shit. Joey from DOA said it best: talk minus action equals zero. So I get out there, and I follow up words with actions, When I don’t the universe nips my ass to remind me of what I need to do. I’m getting better, but its a slow climb.

In the end, I think I’m saying , trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Find a way to be open to the universe. Listen to the song it sings, and dance to the tune. You’ll be amazed at what (and who) shows up to dance along with you.