This website was born in a time of loss, of fire that’s burned away a lot of my life. It’s left me with scars, but has burned away somethings that needed to go. I declared the word “flummoxed” to be my word of the year back in March, and so far, it’s proven to be amazingly accurate. So, in that spirit, and so I can get something on here today, these are the five things I think that have changed the most. NSFW ahead, you have been warned

1) I’m separated from my wife. After 20 years, we’ve agreed to end our marriage. There’s a lot I could say, but I won’t. Just know it’s painful for all of us, and respect my wishes to keep it private.

2)I now live on my own. Yes, I live away from the family. First time living completely alone since 1996. It’s freeing at times(I’m wearing a lot less clothing around the house) and lonely at others. You get used to other people, and the quiet you yearned for sometimes can really feel empty now.

3)I’ve gone back to some old favorites. I’m back to dancing a lot these days. Goth Barge and Subspace are two local groups that are really making this old carcass move. Also check out DJ Synthia and Dance Cmndr as well. You won’t be sorry.

4)I’m embracing my flaws and trying to heal them. Avoidant anxiety? Check. C-ptsd? Check. ADHD with neurospiciness? Also check. I’m working with a new therapist to try and work through this, and have been finding a new inner strength, despite some people’s efforts to keep me weak.

5).Hell has frozen over. There’s several things I’ve encountered during my life , that in the last few months, I’ve done a 180 on. I’ve dyed my hair and am painting my nails.I now enjoy edibles. Not every day, but more than I used to. And I’ve embraced the kink and poly communities. And lastly, I’m describing myself as heterocurious. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on, but I’m a lot more flexible than I used to be in terms of my sexuality.

Now, there’s people who will read this, and want to open their mouth and let hate and negativity spew forth. You want to do that, get your own page. I’m tired of living in denial of things I’m experiencing and feeling. This is my page, not yours.