My posts have been, until now, mostly positive and use song lyrics for a title. Music is a big force in my life, and there’s been a song for every occasion. But tonight, there isn’t any music in my brain.

I’ve been struggling with what to write tonight, because my head isn’t where it needs to be for that. I know, you should be able to just sit your ass in the seat and write, but sometimes it doesn’t work that way.

I keep giving people the benefit of the doubt. I keep thinking that the awful crap they spew is just because they’re angry, or hurt or sad. But sometimes, that isn’t true.

I have loved people in my life. Not perfectly, and sometimes very badly. I have hurt and screwed up. And I recognize that, and I am trying to do better.

What I will not tolerate are people who use their anger to lie, decieve and manipulate other people I love into joining their hatred against me. You do that,then shame on you.

And here’s what I don’t get. Do you really need to be right that badly? Are you such a narcissist that you can’t see how bad it looks? And does it feel better at night?

You can think you’re winning. You can think you’re feeling good about yourself. But if your feeling good is depending on hating someone else, then how good is it, really? If hurting, bullying, and violating their boundaries is what makes you feel good, then how good is it? Who’s the real bad guy here?

I’ve stopped talking to some people I love. Some have accused me of avoiding conflict, and avoiding responsibility. But there are three sides to every story: Yours, mine and the truth. If you only have interest in your side, than you have no interest in the truth. I don’t think I’m right about everything. Can you say the same? And if you can’t, well then shame on you. And if you get challenged, then switch it to something else, and deflect, then you really don’t want the truth, you just want ot be right.

I’ve had way too many people who told everyone else who much they loved me while not bothering to act on it once the doors were closed. Keeping up appearances and all that. I refuse to deal with that garbage. I have no room to talk, they’ll say, while admitting they lied to me for decades.

I’m posting this because i have to get it out. I don’t care if you like what I have to say. I write this for me, not you. And if you hurt me, and take people away from me with your bullying, self deception, and narcissism, I hope it brings you happiness. But I know it won’t. And you are furious with me, because I won’t play the game, and you get angrier every time I call you on it. And you say you’re done with me. And yet, you keep coming back. Because you enjoy the pain you’re causing. Tonight, I refuse. Good night.