I work with the public. It’s a blessing and a curse. Sometimes, I meet amazing people, like the couple who were Milwaukee Police for twenty years. And Black. You know those two have seen some shit, and dealt with racism far beyond they ever deserved. But then there’s days like today.

Nothing too bad about today, other than going to therapy(more on this later), and even that wasn’t too bad. But this person was going on about the death of gender roles, and traditional marriage values. As a white, mostly heterosexual male, you think I’d be on their side, right? I mean, who has benefited more from those values? WRONG.

I’m fifty-six. Most of the benefits of being a white hetero male got killed by the boomers, who voted Reagan into office. Reagan killed the middle class, crashed the tax code benefits of marriage, and suckered everyone into 401Ks. I’d explain why they were bad, but that’s a whole other blog post. Nope, by the time I got to the party, the boomers had sucked up all the money,done all the good drugs, and made sex evil again. Thanks, assholes.

No, what they left us white het males was toxic masculinity. That’s a catch all term for sexism, consumerism and capitalism masquearding as a code for pretty much mate, spawn and die. Where the money you make are the only things that are important, and your value is in money, kids and spouse. You’d think we’d have settled that after the 60’s and 70’s, but the boomers gave all that shit up for security. And look where it got them.

I want to tell those folks to fuck off. First of all, do you know how much I hate it that I hate when I cry? That I feel ashamed? That I’ve been so programmed by a garbage monoculture that invalidates my feelings because I have a cock?

You think that I don’t feel trapped by traditional gender roles? That I’m programmed to be fiscally responsible for other people, while the society around me makes that harder by the day, all so some old fat white folks can have more imaginary points? Meanwhile, I’m told to do it all alone, too.

What really pisses me off is how corporations, government and society have all shaped or been shaped by this garbage. And now expect women to slip back into traditional roles, and work too. What do they think is going to happen?

Precisely what is happening. Marriage and childbirth rates are down, as is home ownership by families. Hard to have a consumer society when no one can afford to consume, you morons.

But back to the toxic masculinity. I spoke about the toxic masculinity, and how it’s made me feel like a failure most of my adult life. I was supposed to feel like a man when I got married, had a kid, and bought a house? Big shocker, I didn’t.

To be honest, I don’t knwo what feeling like a man looks like, or feels like any more. And I’m starting to think that’s a good thing. Maybe we should stop thinking about gender roles, and about making people feel empowered and loved.

How about we talk to each other, make sure we’re feeling ok? How about we say hi to our neighbors? How about we feel good about the small things, like making the ones we love feel loved and happy? How about we build community with people , regardless of creed or color? How about we judge people by character and deed, and not what they can do for us?

I’m not saying it won’t be hard, and some of might fuck up in the process. but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. At it starts with the person you see in the mirror.

I told my therapist today(told you we’d get back here) that I didn’t like myself, let alone love myself. She told me she had to learn to love herself. Not like, but love. She said, some days she didn’t like herself, especially when she screwed stuff up. But she had to love herself, so that she could love other people. Because it all starts in our own skull.

If you’re reading this, do me a favor. Go into the bathroom, or where ever you have a mirror. Say this to the person: I love you. You’re not perfect, but you try to be. Aim for the stars, because there is nothing higher to reach for. Who you love, how much money you make, is not who you are, What you are is how you treat people. I will strive to be kind. I will strive to know better, and do better. When I fall, I will get back up. When I see others fall, I will try to help them back up. You are not alone. I love you.

Not easy, is it? But when we start loving ourselves more, we can love each other more. And that has nothing to do with what’s between our legs and what we do with them. And nothing to do with what we wear or who we love, but everything to do with who we are, and how we treat each other. Good night,